she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
