hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That accounts for only three of the penises
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
