took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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