oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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