I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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