I showed him my bush... on skype.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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