his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
