In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize