i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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