My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
