My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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