i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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