I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
