all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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