I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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