He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
