Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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