I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
