I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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