I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
