we made out on top of his cat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
