My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there is puke in my bra ... again
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