you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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