i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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