I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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