True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
