is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
