dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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