My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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