Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
