he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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