I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
