I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
