Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it's like iHOP with fire
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
