I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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