God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
