I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
