I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize