im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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