we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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