If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
