I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize