Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
