We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
