Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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