No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize