I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
