I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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