how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
