bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
