Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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