you traded sex for a burrito?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
