M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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