i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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