My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize