Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
