What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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