I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
