Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
