as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need water and some morals
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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