Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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