how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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