Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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