two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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