her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
