No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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