Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
