Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
