Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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